Healing The Victim Role
Most of us have been victimized at some point in our life. And then there are those of us who turn the victimization into victimhood and eventually the role of victim. This is a trajectory I know intimately and have had to do years of inner healing around. Although I try to be forward thinking, I definitely have moments where a relationship or situation will trigger those old wounds and I find myself down the rabbit hole of victim mentality.
Anytime I find myself being triggered, I do my best to go beyond asking why is this happening to me to what is this teaching me? That tiny shift takes me out of victim into my inner power & courage to find the lessons in my reaction, but also to heal old patterns and wounding.
A visual I love is of an iceberg. I take the emotion such as “hurt” and place it in the iceberg that’s above the water. Then I draw a line and write in all the words that are underneath the hurt (the part of the iceberg under water that we can’t see). These are our shadows (those pieces of ourselves we have stuffed down and hidden for many reasons). Words that may come up around hurt are pain, boundaries, expectations, unlovable etc. Those are the things I want you to explore. Using the “hurt” example ask:
•Why do I have an expectation?
•Why do I not feel loved?
•Why do I allow people to hurt me?
•Do I need more boundaries?
•Do I need to be liked?
Just be in self-inquiry and ask the deeper questions. And remember...It’s not that someone hurt you—it’s all of the old stuff underneath the hurt that is triggering you.